From R to 宝贝... =)

Hello everyone, hope you all are fine and healthy =) I am currently recovering from an entire package of illness and I'm on Medical Leave but so far, I feel much more better.

Okay, back on to my story... Let's see...

I'll start off with the topic "Internet Sociel Networks". For the current generation, Facebook is one of the major places we get to know new friends, be it complete strangers of friends of a friend. And this is quite common for us, however so... Parents have different view points. I remembered my dad saying to me a couple of weeks back... "Harr??? You knew XXX from the internet? And you met XXX in the real life? How can you even think of doing that?" And as usual I gave him the "different era" speech and explained that knowing friends through the internet is a norm nowadays though it is much more dangerous especially if its a stranger you are meeting for the very first time. Then my dad said, "I received these invitations from strangers and when I don't see mutual friends, I straight away delete them. I don't even know if they are as real as their photos..." That's part of the reason I block deleted them from FB, call me unfilial but there are so many things my parents can't accept that goes on FB, especially when your friends hack your account and write... "I'm HORNY today, lets have SEX"... I personally think they'd go ballistic.

So, as I came back to Malaysia, now single but unavailable due to personal choice. I have a very close friend whom I facied alot, even when I was still attached and I know its downright wrong who goes by the name E. Nevertheless I chose my X at that time. E and I chatted quite alot when I came back to Malaysia, E knows I am not going into a relationship due to fear of long distance and the whole thing repeating itself, as a matter of fact, I don't think E was into a long distance relationship either. This has made our relationship so much more complicated. It's like I like you but I don't think I wanna start something with you, and of course E likes me too and understands. E was in a relationship till the third week since I came back from Singapore and I assure you I was not the cause for the break up. Hell, I even tried to patch it back, without E knowing of course. Now I know there are things about E I can never accept as a partner - Negativity, Vulgarity. The week E broke up, we were supposed to meet up but E had a thesis to complete so E requested to postponed it until free from the assignment. I sent over the information I collected from the internet, hoping it would help. The next few days I went out with another friend to pass the horribly slow time I am having, especially being all alone then. But before that.... about E...

The situation about E and I is complicated. I like E and E likes me, well obviously more than like for both of us. But when I broke up while at Singapore, I clearly told E that I would be looking for someone closer to me in Singapore for the fear of breaking up due to distance issue again. A while after that, E got into a relationship and I was sincerely happy for E. Somehow I have "talent" in advising others but when it comes to my own problems, I'm just lost. I wonder why.... Hmmm... Anyway, things went well for E until the broke up in May. During that time we met and maintained a very close friend kinda relationship but were both clear that nothing would happen between us, majorly because E's personality didn't give me the security I need for a long distance relationship. So, again... The week E broke up, I went out with this friend whom I knew for quite some time and then it all began...

We went out from dusk till dawn, well nearly... I never had so much to talk about with another person whom I just knew not long ago. We talked, lunch, talked, karaoke-d, talked, went home, talked then sleep. The next day we met up again and then the question finally came. I know I'm secretive so I'm gonna call this friend of mine R =) R has been in a couple of relationships before and they did not end quite nicely, especially the last few ones. One was an excuse given that, when you love someone, it doesn't neccessarily mean you need to have them. The other on was just crazy and I will not talk about here. So basically R wasn't very comfortable with a long distance relationship due to past experience as so have I. So we didn't know what was coming till it came. When we were talking, we made it both clear that we were afraid and did not want a long distance relationship. But as I was getting to my point in my precious post that God has made a point over and over again in my life - Love cannot be forced or found when in desperation. So when all my guards were down, all my antennas turned off, there it was, appearing right before me. Back to the question : " 你可以跟我在一起吗? 我很喜欢你... Of course I knew the question was coming because I was also secretively liking R alot, like seriously alot and I can feel that the vibe R is giving out to me... It tell me R likes me alot too but still indecisive. I like going with my instincts and at that moment, I could feel as if the whole universe is shouting at me to say YES and not lose such a wonderful person just to distance, and of course I said YES and R became my 宝贝 =)

E found out on the exact day as I changed my status on FB before I could even tell E. The whole negativity within E kicks in, asking me why hadn't I told E. I know I should have told before changing the status but yet again, E is only a friend, not someone I'm courting. E deleted me from FB, MSN and whatever ways of contact we have. I was just plain disappointed, when E was attached, I gave my blessings and was happy for them, why couldn't E have done the same. And not long after E broke up, E found someone to love already... So what is wrong with me finding someone just for myself. All the friendship we had over the past year just washed away and dumped. I am glad I did not choose E for I think the pain caused would have been much much greater.

After being through quite a kick in the face, I'm glad to say life can never be sad forever. There are UPs and there are DOWNs, it's just a matter of time =) Well, my first month anniversary is gonna come up real soon but my 宝贝 is kinda far from me now. Nevertheless I am happy to have met my 宝贝 and of course I will remember the date. ^,^

i guess that's all for tonight...Good night FOLKs... Weee....zzz....

PS: 宝贝 I miss you so so much.... Muackz....