Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Everything Will Be Alright...

Hey peeps, yesterday I was talking about happy but today I am feeling kinda down. I mean how can I not, when I know the person I love so dearly is in pain, in sadness, in suffering... And the worst is all I can offer are my words... There isn't much I can do to lessen the pain... When the person you love is anything but happy, how can I be happy? I know that obstacles in life are to make us stronger, so that we may grow up more mature and stuff... But right now, I am very worried and a little down I guess... Well, maybe more than a little. I just feel like rushing to your side right now, give you a big hug, hold you close, and tell you... I am here for you my 宝贝... Please don't shed a tear anymore. *sobs*



Hold my hand and look in my eyes
Know that everything's gonna be alright
And that the sun will rise from the darkest night
With me by your side every step of the way
Till the end of time I will hold you tight
Coz baby, everything's gonna be alright...

宝贝... stay strong, coz I am with you. Hugz

Happy Happy Be Happy...



Hello everyone I'm back again =)

Today I shall talk a little bit about myself instead... Dun wanna make all my readers vomit from the lovey dovey things I can write or make some of em emo instead. =S

Anyway, I wanna share my little secret of how to be happy everyday. First. be aware that being happy is a choice, not a fate. I'm not so sure when I started following this principle of mine that whatever happens, look hard enough and you will see the bright side of it. Things happen in our lives and not always are they cheerful or fun, sometimes they can be sad, disappointing, hateful and chaos. However so, underneath all these surface, if you look hard enough, or if you observe a little while longer, there are good things that follow behind, no matter how small they may seem.

It's just that we are too focused on the source of sadness or pain that we ignore the small blessings behind each "misfortune". So instead of being sad or angry about something, why not look at the small little things that follow behind, that can make you happy? Of course I'm not requesting you totally ignore the sadness or pain... Just realise them for what they are, aknowledge them, deal with them if possible, then look at the brighter sides of things.

For me, it has become rather simple, that is why I can smile all day long =) Why not be happy when you can be happy? You can call me carefree or ignorant, but I live my life filled with joy and blessings. I feel truly happy with every moment and I appreciare each and every one of them. That is why, when "misfortune" happens to me, I will look forward to the small little things that will put the smile back on my face.

I can tell you that the first few steps are the hardest, because thinking of happy things when you are sad or angry, requires great effort and belief in the beginning. It is when we wanna change our pattern of thoughts that we will try to fight back, coz its easier to follow the usual pattern we take. The one we have been following for decades. But believe me, it gets alot easier and practice makes perfect =)

Now why don't you all give it a try. Force yourself to think of only happy things, for one week. No matter what happens! Whenever anything "bad" happens, think positive, be optimistic! Let me know if any of you are having problems or if you all succeed. Wee....

That's all for tonight. Nitez peeps....

PS again: 宝贝我非常的想念你!!! Muackz =)

Friday, June 17, 2011

From R to 宝贝... =)



Hello everyone, hope you all are fine and healthy =) I am currently recovering from an entire package of illness and I'm on Medical Leave but so far, I feel much more better.

Okay, back on to my story... Let's see...

I'll start off with the topic "Internet Sociel Networks". For the current generation, Facebook is one of the major places we get to know new friends, be it complete strangers of friends of a friend. And this is quite common for us, however so... Parents have different view points. I remembered my dad saying to me a couple of weeks back... "Harr??? You knew XXX from the internet? And you met XXX in the real life? How can you even think of doing that?" And as usual I gave him the "different era" speech and explained that knowing friends through the internet is a norm nowadays though it is much more dangerous especially if its a stranger you are meeting for the very first time. Then my dad said, "I received these invitations from strangers and when I don't see mutual friends, I straight away delete them. I don't even know if they are as real as their photos..." That's part of the reason I block deleted them from FB, call me unfilial but there are so many things my parents can't accept that goes on FB, especially when your friends hack your account and write... "I'm HORNY today, lets have SEX"... I personally think they'd go ballistic.

So, as I came back to Malaysia, now single but unavailable due to personal choice. I have a very close friend whom I facied alot, even when I was still attached and I know its downright wrong who goes by the name E. Nevertheless I chose my X at that time. E and I chatted quite alot when I came back to Malaysia, E knows I am not going into a relationship due to fear of long distance and the whole thing repeating itself, as a matter of fact, I don't think E was into a long distance relationship either. This has made our relationship so much more complicated. It's like I like you but I don't think I wanna start something with you, and of course E likes me too and understands. E was in a relationship till the third week since I came back from Singapore and I assure you I was not the cause for the break up. Hell, I even tried to patch it back, without E knowing of course. Now I know there are things about E I can never accept as a partner - Negativity, Vulgarity. The week E broke up, we were supposed to meet up but E had a thesis to complete so E requested to postponed it until free from the assignment. I sent over the information I collected from the internet, hoping it would help. The next few days I went out with another friend to pass the horribly slow time I am having, especially being all alone then. But before that.... about E...

The situation about E and I is complicated. I like E and E likes me, well obviously more than like for both of us. But when I broke up while at Singapore, I clearly told E that I would be looking for someone closer to me in Singapore for the fear of breaking up due to distance issue again. A while after that, E got into a relationship and I was sincerely happy for E. Somehow I have "talent" in advising others but when it comes to my own problems, I'm just lost. I wonder why.... Hmmm... Anyway, things went well for E until the broke up in May. During that time we met and maintained a very close friend kinda relationship but were both clear that nothing would happen between us, majorly because E's personality didn't give me the security I need for a long distance relationship. So, again... The week E broke up, I went out with this friend whom I knew for quite some time and then it all began...

We went out from dusk till dawn, well nearly... I never had so much to talk about with another person whom I just knew not long ago. We talked, lunch, talked, karaoke-d, talked, went home, talked then sleep. The next day we met up again and then the question finally came. I know I'm secretive so I'm gonna call this friend of mine R =) R has been in a couple of relationships before and they did not end quite nicely, especially the last few ones. One was an excuse given that, when you love someone, it doesn't neccessarily mean you need to have them. The other on was just crazy and I will not talk about here. So basically R wasn't very comfortable with a long distance relationship due to past experience as so have I. So we didn't know what was coming till it came. When we were talking, we made it both clear that we were afraid and did not want a long distance relationship. But as I was getting to my point in my precious post that God has made a point over and over again in my life - Love cannot be forced or found when in desperation. So when all my guards were down, all my antennas turned off, there it was, appearing right before me. Back to the question : " 你可以跟我在一起吗? 我很喜欢你... Of course I knew the question was coming because I was also secretively liking R alot, like seriously alot and I can feel that the vibe R is giving out to me... It tell me R likes me alot too but still indecisive. I like going with my instincts and at that moment, I could feel as if the whole universe is shouting at me to say YES and not lose such a wonderful person just to distance, and of course I said YES and R became my 宝贝 =)

E found out on the exact day as I changed my status on FB before I could even tell E. The whole negativity within E kicks in, asking me why hadn't I told E. I know I should have told before changing the status but yet again, E is only a friend, not someone I'm courting. E deleted me from FB, MSN and whatever ways of contact we have. I was just plain disappointed, when E was attached, I gave my blessings and was happy for them, why couldn't E have done the same. And not long after E broke up, E found someone to love already... So what is wrong with me finding someone just for myself. All the friendship we had over the past year just washed away and dumped. I am glad I did not choose E for I think the pain caused would have been much much greater.

After being through quite a kick in the face, I'm glad to say life can never be sad forever. There are UPs and there are DOWNs, it's just a matter of time =) Well, my first month anniversary is gonna come up real soon but my 宝贝 is kinda far from me now. Nevertheless I am happy to have met my 宝贝 and of course I will remember the date. ^,^

i guess that's all for tonight...Good night FOLKs... Weee....zzz....

PS: 宝贝 I miss you so so much.... Muackz....

Monday, June 13, 2011

Post Break-Up >>> Pre Met-Up



How are ya doing everyone... Hope you all are doing fine ^^

Today I'm going to share a little bit of the time between my break up and the new person I am with today. Although it was only a short one month plus, God has shown me miracles when I least expects =P

Note: X = My ex-

The day the words came again, and for the third time throughout those 2 years. I knew it was once too many already and things have to come to a stand, once and for all. Little did I know I was not as prepared as I was for the truth.

"我们分手吧..." For me, these words should never appear in one's mind when in a relationship, let alone say it out. These 5 simple words mean a lot and hurts even hell lot more. The insecurity it has brought me led me to my decision that what has been said should no longer be allowed to be taken back. I forgave the first 2 times but I guess I wanted to teach X a lesson. It was then all hell broke loose...

I waited for X to realize the mistake made but within a week, all feelings for me were disposed. This was where I panicked. Within 2 weeks away to finals, I had lost my mood to concentrate, let alone study... How can this happen, what happened to the memories we had together for 2 years? Can one really let go of em that easily? I had many wild thoughts but I knew trust was essential in a relationship so till this day, I buy the excuse that long distance made X unable to feel my love. How weird it was that when I was in KL; and mind I am the kinda person who is more "sticky", so X demanded of personal space, and when I came to Singapore, I was told my affection was not felt much. This was despite the fact of daily msg-es and video calls, not to mention X telling it is not neccessary to call everyday, saying I was being bothersome? Haiz, words definitely hurt more than anything else.

So during the remaining month I was in Singapore, I gave in my 150% in mending the relationship, all to no avail. It ended up with "Stop calling or msg-ing me or I will run far far away..." I can only imagine how many times more can my heart shatter before I give up on life. Of course, that day never came, if not I wouldn't be here. Anyway, I was then desperately finding someone who would appreciate me. The 2 years has made me fearful of loneliness, that it was driving me crazy. Looking high and low, I got to know a few to my liking but somehow there are things missing and I just knew they weren't for me. Adding up with the tensions of the finals, I am lucky that I have amazing friends who supported me, who cared for me. They are the ones that helped me through those dark hours and in maintaining my sanity. To them, I salute and give me utmost gratitude. Thank God for bringing them into my life of course =)

Then the time for me to return to KL drew near, so I found a contact employment to keep myself busy and in hope to prevent me breaking down, especially since my friends would be far far away from me. Many called me hardcore and crazy because 2 days upon returning to Kl, 4 days upon finishing my finals, my employment started. Little did they know the reasoning behind it. This time round, I came back to KL, telling myself I would not start another long distance relationship, and I repeatedly reminded myself that not everyone can endure this kind of hardship. The first 2 weeks was of course the worst as many memories flooded my thoughts.

Everywhere I go, everything I see, hear, smell and taste... I see X in them. During the 2 years we were together, memories were planted everywhere we went. And since I am the one with better memory, they brought more pain to me than ever, the very things that used to put a smile on my face. Now, only a rememberance that we are no longer together. Everytime I think of X, a msg was promptly sent, telling X of the good times we had together. Oh, I left out,  X told me X was in a relationship for nearly 2 month already, by now and so told me not refrain sending X msg-es in case the boyfriend sees it.

Little by little I started letting go, and instead I concentrated on making more friends to fill the emptiness within me. I was starting to find fun in life once again as I chit-chatted with friends. There was one in particular who I fancied here, and although the feelings was mutual, I felt that long distance wasn't a thing for this person. I frequently asked friends out for outing to fill up the empty times I had during weekends... and this was when I finally met... my 宝贝

watch out for the next episode, where I tell the encounter I had that led to the new chapter of my life, today...  =)